Using my voice

So after a few days of Twitter and writing my blog I am pleased to say that I feel empowered.

Social care, police, family and friends have silenced me since my Husbands arrest and made me feel completely powerless. I am reclaiming my voice.

I have tried for the first weeks and months to explain things to my family… To explain my understanding and education around my husbands offending and how he ended up where he did.. I was not listened to or respected. I have come to the conclusion that some people at some point in their lives stop listening. They stop absorbing new information and they go out of their way to reaffirm their concrete views of the world. I pity those people actually. The world keeps on moving forward and leaves them far behind. Sadly I am related to many of these people who are ‘stuck’.

When we try and try to help these people understand, we bang our head against a brick wall and it achieves nothing but to give us a headache.

This week I have had lots of respectful conversations with people who want to understand.

The online world has created new social issues. Services such as police and social care need to move forward as they too are ‘stuck.’ Porn sites and social media are completely unregulated platforms. Infact they could be more toxic than people realise they could actually create these social problems as opposed to the belief that they merely expose them.

Society believes that men like my husband have hid their attraction to children well…. For 70+ years in some cases. I feel that is a far too naive and simplistic interpretation of this epidemic we have on our hands. Society loves to put things in a carefully sealed box with a big label and hide it away under a big carpet so nobody has to understand or take ownership of it… That carpet is bursting at the seams.

I have worked in mental health / homelessness and addiction support for many years. I would love to work in recovery / rehabilitation but I do not have ‘lived’ experience which is valued in this area.

Recovery is inspirational to others in the crooks of addiction.

I believe that my husband, and the husband of the amazing women I’ve met through this journey, had a porn addiction. If we recognise this and help these men recover then surely they can help others to do the same?!

Maybe then we may stop seeing 850 men per month arrested for this crime.