‘Self care’ not ‘Selfish’

My Therapist told me off when I told her that I was learning to be more selfish. She told me that it’s not ‘selfish’ it’s ‘self-care.’

How right she is.

Since going through this horrific trauma, I have completely changed my perspective.

Having devoted the last 18 or so years to supporting vulnerable people, then the last 15 to being a mum, always wanting to be the supportive friend / sister / auntie, I don’t think I was great at looking after me.

I wanted to support others, help them to feel better and I suppose in hindsight that gave me the validation I needed.

However, when something so traumatic happens in your life, it forces you to stop. It forces you to re-evaluate your priorities.

I got a sick note, anti-depressants and sleeping tablets off my GP.

This was still not enough to alleviate my overwhelming anxiety and depression in the aftermath of my Husbands arrest.

I had to do more. I had to find a way to get myself through those horrific days and find a way of functioning, for my children and for myself.

Being part of a big family, I have always felt that I needed to be around people all the time.

Self care is not really about socialising, it’s about building your own resilience and maintaining your well-being.

So, I would like to share my self care tips of what has and what is helping me to deal with the most traumatic time of my life, healing my central nervous system:

Hot bubble baths

Scented candles

Healing stones

Incense

Oil burners

Oil for your pillow / temples

Salt lamps / soft lights

Reading a novel

Reading a self help book

Positive quotes / affirmations

Face masks – especially sheet masks

Gentle stretches / yoga

Guided meditations / relaxing music / nature sounds / 8D music / manifestations / gentle rain fall / – Free on You Tube and amazing for sleepless nights.

Journal writing

Colouring in / writing / drawing

Knitting

Going out for breakfast / lunch

A Gentle walk

Browsing the shops

• Complimentary therapies ( look on Groupon / local colleges for cheap deals)
• Indian head massage
• Hot stone massage
• Reflexology
• Reiki

Emotional Support

• Connecting with others in similar situations – forums / support / WhatsApp groups / Twitter
• Counselling / CBT
• Support from GP and medication if needed.

Exercise and healthy eating are things I am struggling with as I am an emotional eater. Something I intend on doing more of in the future.

I am now going to share a self care wheel sent to me by my Therapist:

So, my list is not definitive and neither is the self care wheel. However, it’s about looking after tour mental health and wellbeing and preventing ourselves from reaching breaking point.

It’s also about NOT feeling selfish for taking time for ourselves.