The final stretch

It’s just over 4 months now until my husband is due out. He’s almost 3/4 through his sentence.

I’ve counted down and wished my life away so much since he was sentenced in August last year.

Now the end is in sight, I don’t feel excited as I should be.

My anxiety is high and my mood is low.

When my husband is released it will be over 2.5 years since we will have lived together as a family.

I know in these last 2 years or so, I have found strength and resilience I didn’t know I had. I have become stronger and more self sufficient.

I am also mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.

I’ve had enough.

I need some assurance that this has all been worthwhile.

I’ve lost so much through standing by him. Me and the kids, we deserve to know that our family will be able to reunite.

Our life and our family is in the hands of the professionals now.

Since his arrest we have both done absolutely everything we can to understand it, him to rehabilitate, me to understand the offence and the inns and outs of safeguarding.

Is it enough?

As a ‘Professional’ myself, working alongside these agencies, advocating for others, it sickens me that I am so powerless now, within my own life and my own family.

Will social care ever see the work we’ve both done as enough to allow us to live together as a family again?!

Do I have the fight in me to make it happen?! I am not the offender here. Yet I know I will be scrutinised more so than he is as I justify my reasons for wanting to reunite as a family.

There will be little to no regard of me maintaining our family whilst he’s been in prison whilst trying to keep my mental health in check and supporting him too.

Right now I just want to sleep the next few months away until he is able to be with us again.