It’s been another tough few days or so.
Husbands inside offender manager in Cat C and now Cat D both told him that they don’t see any reason why overnight Release On Temporary Licenses cannot take place at our family home.
I was sceptical at first as I know how tough it can be to get them home after these offences.
However, I allowed myself to imagine us being together as a family again. Sleeping with my Husband for the first time in over 2 years. A reality so simple for the first 20 years of our life together.
Community Offender Manager visited last week. Her initial online meeting with my Husband and phonecall with me, she advised that no second address is being considered.
Then when she visited she asked for a second address. Both her and her colleague advised me that it’s far more likely to be approved by the ROTL board.
I had to break this news to my Husband who was very upset. He had allowed himself to imagine being at home with us again, where he belongs.
“I just want a second chance” he cried to me on the phone. It will be 2.5 years since the offences were committed, upon his release.
He had the conversation with his Offender Manager on the phone and she could tell he was very upset, as she tried to justify her actions. She told him that we may have lots of awkward and difficult conversations initially.
What she didn’t acknowledge is that we have already had hours, upon hours of endless conversations prior to his sentencing and since, over the phone and by letter.
She initially told me she is a great believer in rehabilitation. Yet she is not prepared to support us to be able to spend those overnights together.
I know we have to be realistic. I thought we had both done enough work since the arrest to justify his committment to his rehabilitation and my capacity to understand risk and protect.
Will we ever be able to live together as a family?! Will these professionals ever support us to do so?!
After the knock 
This is interesting… my OH and I were just talking about this today at his prison visit. It seems community and custodial appear to have different perceptions! Another system failure ! My OH cat D review is due in Oct.. with 2 years to go, always been told that he doesn’t need to do course as low risk. But he is now hearing that community may ask him to do course in order to live at home… but he did one before sentencing! He wants to ask if he can do it inside so that things are not delayed.. but it seems different probation officers have different tick boxes to follow!
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It definitely does. They constantly move the goal posts.
My husband has been told he may need to do the I Horizon in the community when he didn’t need to do horizon inside.
He also done the Inform plus. Is that what yours done?
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He did the LFF modules and he did the safer lives course. Which SS accepted. We were very lucky I think that he was actually allowed home pre sentencing after risk assessments and evidence he had done this and I had done the LFF partners course and I agreed to have a sensor alarm on the landing at night and no unsupervised contact. It was tough… but would do anything to have him at home!I know I’m very fortunate that this happened. So it seems we may move backwards. If inside they know community will ask for this… why don’t they just make everyone do the horizon course inside. Probably a
Cost/ Resource issue!
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That’s great you got him home. We didn’t try to be honest wanted to see what happened in court first. I would do anything to get him home too hunny.
Please feel free to message me via twitter DM xx
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For some reason I can’t see your messages on Twitter! It comes up blocked. I just see your blogs via the knock site! I have lots of blockers through my internet since the knock and me setting privacy settings for when he was at home. I see there is a what’s app group for NOP. I was sceptical at first as I didn’t want it to take over my thoughts… but after 11 months after sentencing I may be ready now! Friends and family have been reasonably good… lost some! But even those still around just don’t get it… and think many are good to me but still hate him!!
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That’s so very sad. Oh that’s great you’ve been on the knock website it’s brilliant. yeah I know all about those who wont even try to understand it’s so hard to swallow. We are at similar stages we are just over a year since sentencing.
How long have you guys got left?
See if you can email me via this xx
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He’s out Oct 2024.
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Still a while for you then hunny. I take it you have children do they have any support from children heard and seen? Do you know / attend the Friday group for parents? Xx
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Had an introductory meeting with them… but kids didn’t want to engage!! I probably did it too early… may try again! Both suffer social anxiety!
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Yeah my kids only did a little tbh but we have just came back from the weekend residential last weekend it was brilliant.
There’s nothing to stop you from taking part in the group it’s for parents / partners like us xx
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Yeah I’ll rethink it!!
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That must have been very disappointing for him. It is often the case that Probation and Social Workers are very much in support of rehabilitation and moving forward. We get excited because they are on the same wave-length as us. Then they go away and return only to have a more conservative viewpoint. This happens time and time again because the PO or SW has to report back to more senior members of staff, who over-rule what they think. It’s great if you get assigned a more senior person, but usually we are assigned new, temporary or even students.
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It’s incredibly frustrating the mixed messages we are given on this journey. I really feel for you and I know that you are determined to navigate this and you will navigate this and get him home. I wish that agencies would communicate better and there was a joined up process. Xx
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