Feeling proud to be his wife

I am married to a Sex Offender. He will be on a lifetime registration due to his online offending. Labelled a Sex Offender for the duration of his life, unless he can challenge in the future.

The abandonment from my family and friends has been equally as devastating as the offending and custodial itself.

I am and always will be shocked and appalled by what my husband did, but I also know it’s not who he is.

I feel that others expect me to feel guilt and shame for his behaviour. Guilt and shame for standing by him. For a while I think I did.

Through therapy I have accepted my love and commitment to my husband. The man I know is a good man who has done a bad thing. A bad thing he has paid for, he is still paying for.

He was released from prison 8 weeks yesterday. Since then he has achieved so much.

Release on top of Christmas meant as well as adjusting back into the community and dealing with the practical transition, he was also shopping and preparing for Christmas with me.

He has done lots of DIY jobs that needed doing around the house, fixing things and bits of painting etc. He has taken equal rolls and responsibilities of cooking, cleaning and washing. He has spent quality time with me and the boys, re-establishing that bond.

He has applied for many jobs. As a civil servant of 20 years, losing his job through his offending was another huge blow for him. However I know he now sees that the pressure of his job was a contributory factor in his offending.

Prison has given him perspective. There’s nothing like being stripped bare of everything to help you to evaluate your life.

His long term plan is to set up his own business, related to his previous career.

However, for now, he has applied for practical jobs, where he can go in, do his shift and then switch off. We talked a lot about this and he told me how much less pressure that feels than working on long term projects and feeling like a hamster on a wheel.

So he’s now working 2 different jobs, juggling shifts. He seems motivated, happy, fulfilled. Work is such an important part of our life. It gives us our sense of self worth and purpose. I can see such a positive difference in him after just a couple of weeks.

So for those who think or expect women like me to walk away from a good man, because he has done a bad thing, then I no longer care what they think.

I met a good man, I married a good man. He told me for those 16 agonising months, he was in prison, he would do everything he can to make it up to me and the boys and he is.

I am so glad to have him back by my side.

I am proud to be his wife.