Feeling backed into a corner

Standing by your partner after the knock is no easy task. My 70+ previous blogs talk of the pain and destruction and the sacrifices I’ve made. The people I’ve walked away from to remain in my marriage, to keep my family together.

He has been out for 11 weeks now, not far off 3 months.

Prior to his release, social care assessed me as a protective parent and agreed that I can make decisions around contact….ONCE he has done the I Horizon course that probation insists he does. Until then he is unable to stay overnight with us.

Self funded rehabilitation work prior to Sentencing has been completely dismissed.

He was told that his OaSys risk assessment had to be updated to enable them to determine hus place on the course waiting list.

According to their policy, this should have been done and dusted within 2 weeks. However, due to the Probation Officers manager being on special leave, this has been delayed over 2 months. Apparently it’s now signed off but we still don’t know if or where he is on the waiting list.

In May it will be 3 years since the knock that turned our world upside down. 3 years since we have lived together as a family.

I continue to be responsible for our 11 year old son 24/7.

I’ve just been accepted for a new job which I start on 20th March, 4 days a week. No longer home working as I am now. As excited as I am about a new challenge, I have undue anxiety of how I will juggle childcare.

My husband is working again now and working shifts. He will be off at times I am in but at the moment he cannot be with our son on his own.

I’m not minimising his offending, but he’s assessed as a low risk of contact offending because he is not a contact offender. The leap from online to contact offending is huge and should not be assumed by any agency.

Yesterday we argued over something petty. The underlying cause being the resentment bubbling under the surface for me. The anger and frustration that our life is still dominated so heavily by the burden of his offending.

If our little family has a hope in hell of moving forward and living a healthy life again, then we need to be able to have some sort of normality.

I have done a lot of work to understand his Offending and understand risk. I can do no more. Neither can he.

We are backed into a corner and at the mercy of these agencies making detrimental decisions about our family.

I am currently looking into us self funding an independent forensic risk assessment. However, we have no idea if this will be accepted by Probation and Social care.

Sex offenders are by far the most discriminated group in our society. Their offending yes I agree does deserve judgement and punishment but also, they need to be rehabilitated and integrated back into society..this is the only way to reduce risk.

Wives like me, who stand beside them through everything, our children and I deserve our family back together. Section 8 of the Human Rights act talks of our ‘Right to family life.’ So we should not be at the mercy of these agencies and their unachievable conditions. It’s unfair and inhumane.