NOPs careers?!

As Non Offending Partners we are NOT recognised as victims of crime. Yet evidently we are victims of the fallout of crime.

When my husband was arrested, I could not work. Partly as I was a complete and utter mess on an emotional level and partly because on a practical level I was unable to work shifts anymore.

No longer could he do school pick ups, drop offs or even be alone with them. Thirteen years of 50/50 parenting, over.

Even during pre school days my husband had condensed his hours to have a day a week at home.

Whatever my long term decision on my relationship was to be, I was suddenly 100% responsible for my children.

I remember that being one of the most overwhelming shocks of it all. I knew he had never harmed our children, however, due to the nature of his crime, he was stripped of his parenting duties and the burden was placed solely upon me. The non offending partner.

This is how it’s been for almost 3 years.

I suppose in hindsight I was fortunate in some ways that I was partially paid whilst I took 5 months off sick.

My employer , although understanding, could not accommodate my part time hours and need for flexible school friendly hours.

I applied for many jobs and eventually settled on an 18 hour role working from home. This enabled me at the time, due to lockdown, to homeschool my children. Then eventually to get my youngest to school and pick him up. My elderly in-laws helped a little with pick ups but not drop offs.

I managed this job for over 2 years, until suddenly I wanted more..I needed more. It’s difficult to progress your career when working just 18 hours per week. Also working from home was starting to negatively impact my mental health.

So today I started a new job. Back in the community. This won’t be easy either. My husband, now released from prison, is still unable to be with our youngest on his own. Not until he’s done his course they we don’t even know if he’s on the waiting list for yet. In the meantime, our life is on hold. I am forced to juggle my working hours and days to ensure my son can get to school and juggle my inlaws and eldest to pick him up.

I suppose I am more fortunate than some as I have managed to work, in some capacity.

I have seen many fellow Non Offending Partners, lose their academic careers, businesses, reputational damage, all due to a crime they did not commit. Forced into poverty by a system that doesn’t recognise offenders families as victims.