Our children are so broken 💔😭

‘The gift that keeps on giving’ is something I have heard those from our community say a lot, myself included.

It’s almost 3 years now since ‘the knock’ Yet this shitty gift..keeps on giving!

We have 2 sons. One has been right through one high school and left. The other is due to start this September.

Tonight we were supposed to go to an open evening to find out more.

I finished work early then met both boys in a cafe to go.

As soon as we walked in my youngest got tearful.

He told me he did not want to go. He got very tearful and apologetic. I know when he uses the words… ‘Sorry. I just can’t’ that his anxiety is through the roof. Which it clearly was.

He told me that he cannot think about going to high school. He does not want to leave primary.

It’s around 5 months until he will start. He will have summer holidays prior to this. So we don’t have to mentally prepare him just yet.

I decided I would not drag him there. That was not the answer. I will rearrange for nearer the time.

I now sit here feeling upset but also angry.

My beautiful, funny, empathic and sweet natured little man is still so very broken.

The trauma of his Dad being in prison for 16 months, not living with us for almost 3 years, is still very raw.

Whilst his dad was away, he had 50 lates within the school year. Morning spent me trying to coax him out of bed and to eat breakfast, get ready. Him crying at the school gates telling me he misses me when he’s not with me. Already missing his dad every second of every day complied with not being with me, was sometimes too much to bare. I tried to balance pushing him with listening to him. There were days I could manage to get him in and days I just couldn’t.

Since his Dad’s release in December 2022, he has settled more and more over time.

Today was a stark reminder of that underlying anxiety that is still bubbling under the surface of my beautiful boy.

Our children suffer irreparable trauma when their Dad is sent to prison. Then the ongoing impact of Dad not being able to return home.

These agencies such as social care and Probation do all they can to protect them from ‘assumed risk of abuse from their Dads’ yet the very real psychological trauma of having their Dad removed from their life is not considered.

When will the emotional impact upon our children be recognised by these agencies who make ill informed blanket decisions on our children’s behalf without considering what they actually want?!

Our children are so broken. They deserve the relationship they want with their Dads 💔😭