We’ve just been to an event in a park south of the city where we live.
A lovely walk around with hubby, our son and the dogs.
A friend I worked with and lost touch with lives very close to there.
Today I saw her in the courtyard where we sat having a snack and drink.
The relevance of the tree is that her little girl was, with other children, climbing the tree that separated us.
She had a little girl a few years ago. Today she was carrying a baby boy. Hers I presume.
We didn’t have a fall out as such, so ordinarily I would probably have gone over and said hello.
However, today, I just kept my back turned and hoped she hadn’t saw me.
Why?!
Because now I don’t know who knows and who doesn’t.
I came off Facebook during the pandemic, not long before the knock coincidentally.
Prior to this I was fairly active on there. Proudly posting family pics for all to see.
The job I worked in with her was a big team. I was friends with a fair few on there, including her.
Has she seen the article?
Does she know my husband is a sex offender?
I feel torn between being confident and comfortable in my decision to support him and rebuild our family. The shame and guilt I’ve processed through therapy for the last couple of years.
Then there’s the small part of me that wants to hide. Especially when I am actually with my husband.
I live in a big city. We have not moved. I know many people through various jobs etc, throughout the city.
As the title suggests, I feel vulnerable and yet I refuse to hide.
Why should we?!
I am a good person. I should not be judged for my husbands offence and my decision to understand and maintain my family.
Yet when those who are supposed to love you, have walked away, you don’t believe that anyone from your ‘old life’ will ever understand or even try.
Things need to change.
Things HAVE to change!!!
Sex offenders now make up 20% of the prison population. They are just the ones who get a custodial sentence. Many don’t.
So those, like myself, who support as well as the offender themselves, are a large proportion of society to be written off.
After the knock 
‘Things need to change.
Things HAVE to change!!!
Sex offenders now make up 20% of the prison population. They are just the ones who get a custodial sentence. Many don’t.’
So true that things need to change. Whatever has been done up to now hasn’t worked. Panic, outrage, isolation and shaming do not help anyone. I am sorry that you had a difficult experience seeing your old friend and that it brought up so many complicated things – understandably so. We have so much to process on this journey don’t we? x
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Thank you. I know. In a stark contrast today I saw an old colleague who doesn’t know. Never met my husband but shook his hand and told him what a lovely wife he has 🥰
Things absolutely have to change. 💖🙏 Lets hope more people like us…start writing and showing the reality of the people behind the headlines x
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I hope so too. More stories need to be heard. There are so many of us now and yet many are silenced by fear. It can’t carry on this way. I am pleased that your old colleague doesn’t know or even if they did know (which it sounds like they didn’t) they were gracious enough to be kind. X
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