Dear Family,

I have no idea where to begin this letter. I just know that I need to write it. I need to feel heard.

I have no idea if I will even send it.

It’s been over 3 years now since my husband was arrested.

He has served 16 months in prison and has now been out for almost 7 months.

Life is still difficult. Not quite as difficult as it was but still tough.

I know you are all very much stuck in your anger, shock and disgust at his offence.

The first thing I need to say, is that I am just as shocked and appalled at what he did as you are. As anyone is. I always will be.

I am still the same person. I am still kind, caring and empathic.

My decision to stand by him, is not because I condone his offending. It is because I know as I said over and over again after his arrest, that is not all he is.

You know that he is my soulmate. We have been together since we were barely out of our teens. Throughout mums illness. Losing her and Dad. He held me together when I was so broken. He has been a brilliant husband and father to our boys.

This doesn’t change because of his offending. My love for him has never gone away. Despite my overwhelming anger at what has happened to our life as a result of his offending.

Society wants to believe that men who look at these images online are attracted to children in real life. That they are potential contact offenders. admittedly this was my stance initially.

Now 3 years down the line, I see different. Sadly I’ve been dragged into this world. I’ve done courses, spoke to copious amounts of other women like me, professional therapists etc etc.

Sadly, he is just one of around 1000 men arrested for these crimes in the UK every month.This is not black and white.

I have learnt about how dire Mental health, porn addiction and desensitisation can enable things to escalate. The porn world does sadly not have a clear line between between mainstream porn and illegal.

I do not believe that my husband is the P word. I believe that he was unwell, addicted and completely down a rabbit hole not seeing what was right or wrong. I also now understand that mentally he was very unwell.

Since his arrest, he has done absolutely everything within his power to firstly understand why and how he ended up where he did. Then go rehabilitate. He has also served his time.

Words simply cannot describe what me and the children have been through. To have him removed from our life for those 16 months was sheer hell. If it hadn’t have been for my inlaws, the other women going through the same and a lot of therapy, I would not have got through this What hurts.

What has hurt me almost equally to his offending, has been the abandonment I have endured through my whole family.

I did not commit his crime.

I do not condone his crime.

Neither do our children.

Not one of you asked how we were when he was away. Have no idea if I was coping or not.

Somehow you have convinced yourselves that I am evil. That I condone child abuse and I am not the person you once knew.

Well I am here to tell you. I am. I am more my authentic self than I have ever been.

I have been a support worker for many many years. I believe in rehabilitation. I believe in second chances. So when the person I have spent my life with committed such a shocking crime, I had no choice but to put my head into it. I could not walk away from a good man and end my family because he made a mistake.

I do not believe this is who my husband is. I believe this is something he done. Something he can change. Something he has.

Yes he deserved to be punished for his crime. He has been over and over again. 3 years down the line he is still not able to live with his wife and children in our family home.

We deserve to be able to move forward.

This is very difficult when I have been punished by my own family.