STOP! Punishing us!

I have woke today feeling incredibly sick and anxious.

We are 3 years and 2 months from the knock now. We are trying to move forward. Life keeps pulling us back.

My husband is about to lose his job. Due to his DBs coming through. He’s already lost his 20 year career, now he is about to lose his menial job. The job he managed to secure post release. Being honest about having a conviction they said they didn’t need full details of at the time.

This week has been an emotional one for various reasons. It’s apparent that the children and I are still not healed from this trauma. I worry we never will be.

So yesterday, the trauma was triggered all over again for me. I shouted at him, I questioned him. I questioned myself, my sanity.

I love my husband. I see him do absolutely everything he can to rehabilitate. He has served his time. Yet society cannot seem to see beyond his offending.

I am fed up being punished for a crime I did not commit!! For a crime I do not condone!! I’ve lost my whole family and friends too.

My new family is my fellow partners. The ones who are going through this too.

I am an empath. It’s both a blessing and a curse. I soak up other people’s emotions and feel them. I genuinely feel others pain

These ladies are my lifeline. The kindest, most compassionate, loyal and genuine group of ladies I have ever met.

Yet like me, each and every one of them continues to be punished for a crime they did not commit.

The WhatsApp groups I am part of, have so much going on in them. Such as;

Barriers to employment, housing, disclosure to school, people in the new area finding out, abandonment from family and friends, sentencing years post knock. Not to mention social care and probations judgments and restrictions. The list is endless.

Standing by your partner after they comitted a sexual offence is difficult to say the least. Each and every one of us has been through a huge trauma. Whilst we are all strong and resilient women, we are also easily triggered. Our wounds are still healing and so when salt is rubbed into them, it hurts.

Society and professionals have to stop judging us. Have to stop punishing us.

We are not in denial of their offence. How can we be? We are living the consequences. So don’t think you know us and know who we are.

I am very proud to be a part of a community whereby we do not write someone we love off because they made a huge mistake. We are forgiving, kind, caring and empathic human beings. We deserve the respect we show to others.

Punishing us does not save victims. Punishing us does not write any wrongs or condone CSA. Quite the opposite. We want to prevent future victims just as much as everyone else.