Over empathising?!

Can we over empathise?

I have worked in various supporting / complex needs rolls for over 20 years. I am a natural empathy so I don’t have to try to understand others. To not judge.

I absolutely love what I do. Watching people flourish, feeds my soul. If I don’t work in a role such as this, I feel like I’ve had my wings clipped.

However, since my husband was arrested in 2020 and I have been going through the biggest trauma of my life, it’s hard.

My current job is very focused around positive wellbeing management. I advocate this on a daily basis to those I support.

Every day at work I speak to many vulnerable people. Affected by physical illness, mental illness, caring roles, children with additional needs, bereavement, housing issues, poverty and deprevation.

My role is supposed to be about helping them to engage within their community, to reduce isolation and build strong community links.

However, the vast majority of my role becomes an informal counselling one.

This is a difficult time to do a job like mine. Under a Tory government. Energy crisis, housing crisis, post COVID depression and isolation etc etc etc.

So, I do my best to support, signpost, empower those I work with. To try to help them see light in shades of darkness. To help them to take control of their lives and work towards positive goals. Addressing and knocking down several barriers along the way.

My job used to be something I did during the day. I would go home to my husband, my children. My stable life. A world apart from those I support.

I could empathise but switch off.

Now, my husband is not able to stay here overnight, is still on probation. We’ve endured court, prison, media. The scrutiny of social care and abandonment by my own family. Over 3 years down the line, we are still not where we want to be.

The bereavement I’ve endured losing both of my parents and my mum’s long battle with dementia, I can share, occasionally, when relevant. If someone is consumed by grief of a loved one. I can tell them I do relate, I too have been there.

What I can’t share is this. The life I am still living. The long term affects of my husbands arrest, imprisonment etc.

So my own life now feels very similar to that of those I speak to. Those with depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation. I too am still experiencing all of this. I am still on medication and I am still having Counselling and CBT therapy.

In some ways I feel like a fraud. Those I support have no idea what my life is like.

I guess none of us really know what secret battle others have.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that empathy is objective, until you are actually going through similar experiences. Then you don’t only relate, you feel their pain, your pain, all rolled into one.

Now I feel like I am a sponge. I soak up other people’s emotions and feel full, like I need ringing out.

One of my good friends in a similar situation, she suggested maybe the job is too much for me, right now.

She definitely has a point.

I have mulled this over last night and today.

I know I am good at my job. I am passionate, compassionate, empathic and respectful of all the clients I work with. I am regularly thanked for my help, support. I am, as I am so motivated to do, making a difference.

So what is the answer? I honestly don’t know

I have spoke to work about us as a team needing more emotional support.

Meditation, hot baths, massaged, self care in any capacity is a must.