Feeling deflated

We are almost 3.5 years post knock, 10 months post prison release and we are all just so desperate to move forward.

Things are better, much better. Of course they are. Our children have their Dad back in their lives. I have my husband back. We are together again.

I am extremely grateful for where we are, compared to where we were.

However, the latest blow has been tough. 2 jobs ending within the space of a month.

To know that we are unsupported by our old friends and my side of the family is tough. Tough but I was beginning to accept this. We were getting on with our lives and no doubt they were theirs.

However, almost 2 weeks ago, the third day in his new job, my husband delivered to someone he knew.

I will try to explain the relationship. He grew up best friends with 2 guys. They ended up getting with 2 sisters. One lot, who became our very good friends as couples, are still together and got married. The others, they split around 5/10 years ago. It didn’t end well. He was drinking heavily and allegedly abusive towards her. His relationship with my husband had already fizzled out.

We continued to see her. At our friends wedding, at family parties and events.

She knew my husband just before I did. They came to Scotland with us for our wedding way back when.

‘I don’t think she recognised me,’ he said. He has changed a fair bit.

However, he got back to the store and it quickly became apparent that she did.

He was collared by a HR Manager. He was told they had a customer complaint. He asked if this was him and slung the newspaper article in his face. The article from the arrest almost 3.5 years ago. Shared by our lovely police force no doubt.

My husband was sickened. He knows what was said, of course he does. He knows his charges, he’s taken full responsibility . He has served his time. Do you want to read it the idiot manager asked. ‘No thanks’ he said.

At which point he was suspended on the spot. Told an Internal investigation will be carried out. Later receiving a letter telling him the grounds were ‘Gross misconduct.’

Fast forward 2 weeks and the disciplinary hearing took place on Friday. He did not attend. They wouldn’t respond to his request for it to be outside of the store he worked at. So he is fully expecting a letter terminating his employment any time now.

This is the second job he has lost since he came out. Third in total if you count the ending of his 20 year civil service career.

This last job felt personal. It felt like a massive kick in the guts for me and the kids too. If he has no income, it affects us too. Of course it does. He was delivering shopping. He is an online offender. The complaint was spiteful.

I have felt sad ever since. I had started to accept our loss. Our friends and family, who cannot consider associating with a sex offender. Fueled by media sensationalising.

However, this felt more than that. This was a reminder of the hatred towards my husband. Indirectly towards the children and I. The ones who have done nothing wrong. The ones who have been punished and abandoned by those who should have helped us through these last 3.5 years.

So, as positive as we are trying to be, we are both feeling deflated right now.

I hope and prey that one day, society sees the importance of rehabilitation for all ex offenders and families like us are allowed to move forward and leave in peace.