So today I’ve had specialist trauma therapy. The 2 women who run the session are brilliant. They praised me on how well I am doing. How much I’ve processed everything and my level of emotional intelligence. It’s encouraging to know I am on the right track. It’s been over 18 months of heartache and digging deep to understand… Building my emotional resilience.
Towards the end of the session we talked about self care and what I do to look after myself.
I talked of how I have hot bubble baths, write in my journal, this blog I’ve now started, spend time with my boys, meditate, use my incense and candles and healing crystals. I also talked of how on my days off when the boys are at school I always do nice things for me… Go out for breakfast or lunch, go shopping, sometimes have a massage. I also told them that I have support form other women going through this via WhatsApp groups. How I speak to them daily.
Then one of them asked me a question which was very difficult for me. Do I still meet up with friends?!
The simplest answer is no. I don’t.
Why? Because sadly I don’t have friends who support me and my husband. Also being from a large family of girls I have always socialised with my sisters and nieces which is no longer a possibility.
The response I gave has made me feel very sad and alone. I am with my boys most of the time and see my inlaws regularly but do I have a friend I could go for a coffee or lunch with? No I don’t.
Since the knock, my husband is the one I did those things with. Now he’s in prison until December 2022.
Why am I being punished for his crime?! Why does the love and support I have shown my husband mean I lose so much myself?! I know I could have maintained superficial relationships with people, careful not to mention my husband, pretending he doesn’t exist but I cannot do that. Nor will I be emotionally blackmailed by people to walk away from my marriage.
The family and friends who have walked away from me have no idea how difficult this is. They are also the people I have never gave up on no matter what.
Families of offenders are NOT recognised as victims. How when we lose so much?!
After the knock 
Rainbow girl, it is very hard for you and many others in this situation. These superficial friends / relations who put “conditions” on friendships / relationships need to be left in the past. I don’t say that the door needs to be closed and throw away the key, as time may heal the damage. It is unfair that you lose so much but over time you will make new friends who know nothing of the past and you will grow the friendships you have made with the women who have been on the same journey as you. Stay strong.
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Thank you so much for your lovely kind words. The amazing women I’ve met through this journey have far more compassion and empathy than those I’ve lost đź’ś
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