A tough Christmas

We did it. We got through Christmas day. The boys and I at home and my husband locked up for 22/23 hours in his cell.

I’m 41 and this is by far my toughest Christmas so far.

Seeing the boys faces this morning opening their presents was amazing. Yet a sadness was still there at their Dad not being there to see it too.

We have done Christmas Dinner different this year. My boys aren’t a fan of roast dinners anyway and I didn’t want to spend half the day cooking and washing dishes only to feel like he was missing. So we had a festive buffet of the foods we like.

Hubby has called us 4 times I think. First this morning, then lunchtime, then this afternoon. We managed to play a board game with him on speaker phone. It worked well to be honest. Not the same but it was some normality… Making lemonade from the lemons we’ve been given.

I can tell that my husband has been low. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been not being here with us where he should be.

The boys are 10 and 15 and have never spent a Christmas apart form either of us. This is the first Christmas I haven’t been with him since 1998, the year before we met.

I’ve done my best to make the day special for the boys and to be honest we’ve just done lots of chilling together which has been lovely.

Last night I had my meltdown when he went off the phone. The anticipation was actually tougher than the day itself. Especially having to play Santa getting all the presents out for the boys on my own.

We are tougher than we realise. We become more resilient with every challenge that is thrown at us.

I am super proud of my gorgeous boys, my husband and myself for getting through today.