Just home from a family wrestling show with the boys and the inlaws.
It was so much fun. The boys seemed to love it. As much as my 15 year old was Mr Cool and didn’t show it. My youngest got right into the swing of things point his big foam finger and booing at the baddies.
We’ve been to a fair few wrestling matches over the years. Our eldest used to be competely obsessed and have us queue up at the end to get autographs and his photograph taken with them.
The inlaws seemed to enjoy and I know they just love seeing the boys have fun.
Me, well I enjoyed it, especially seeing the boys have fun. Although I couldn’t stop myself from scouring the room and looking at other families, many Father’s with their son’s.
Mine didn’t have theirs. I can’t help feeling that my boys are missing out.
They don’t deserve this. They are the most amazing boys. They deserve to have a full family. Tomorrow we will see him for an hour. Then all being well with Covid, again in another couple of weeks for an hour.
That’s 2 hours with their Father in a month.
My heart breaks for them it really does.
My eldest is doing his GCSEs right now and his life should be simple. My youngest has the biggest heart and I know he misses his Dad so much.
Parental imprisonment is unbelievably hard on the child(ren). They are innocent and they shouldn’t have to deal with something so mammoth.
I hope the early stages of their life and the love and stability we had as a family up until then, helps them to get through this horrid seperation from their Father. It’s a temporary bereavement. I hope they know he still loves them so much.
He is, despite the impact of his offending, a brilliant Dad and the boys both idolise him. However, when we were on the way home, we chatted and they told me they are ‘used to’ doing things without him.
Their resilience astounds me.
I hope when he is released he will slot back into our family life where he should be and the boys will know what it’s like to have a Father part of their every day lives again.
After the knock 
Your resilience is astounding too 💗. It’s lovely to hear the in-laws were there too.
The fact is, at any one time there are 200,000 children every day in the UK with parents in prison. The criminal justice system ignores these children.
LikeLike
Thanks hunny 💖
I know.. Let’s hope this is a time for change! 🙏
LikeLike
It’s so hard isn’t it. We’ve had this situation the past couple of weeks, the acceptance that he will never be allowed to collect them from school, or to attend an award ceremony, a sports day, any of those things. Because even though probation support him and he has worked so hard to rehabilitate, society never will and the school’s reputation would be in jeopardy if people found out who he is. They’re online offenders. But society doesn’t care for that. I understand school’s perspective. It doesn’t make it easier for our children though, who remain stigmatised. If their day drops them off he’s been told to stay in his car, like some kind of mass murderer. So shaming for the boys.
LikeLike
*dad
LikeLike
You’re right it is shaming for the kids when they have done nothing wrong.
The stance of whether Dad can see them, whether he can come home, whether he can have unsupervised, go to the school etc etc, always appears to be to punish the offender further…
Yet in reality it’s punishing the children further.. They love Their Dad’s who pose NO risk to them the vast majority of the time and they want them to be a part of their lives like they always were and they should be.
Making these decisions in the ‘best interests’ of the children couldn’t be any further from the truth!
I guess when he is released there will be a whole new set of challenges…
Like you say…
It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
LikeLike
It is indeed. Completely life-changing, forever and it’s disproportionate to the risk that they pose. School didn’t even refer to probation or any risk assessment when making their own risk assessment. How can this be possible without the right information? I accept their decision, when based upon fact but I strongly suspect it’s hearsay and Google. It’s also not our job to be sorting these issues. There are paid professionals who should be liaising and yet aren’t. I’m not sure why. We will always fight for our children’s rights though. Even when we don’t succeed at least we can look back and say, yes I did everything I could.
LikeLike
I think that’s the most infuriating thing of all isn’t it?
That label of the ‘P’ word slapped on and then huge assumptions made.
Does the criminal justice system actually differentiate that much between online and contact offenders?! Are other agencies, the media and society led by their approach?!
Like you say if a robust risk assessment based on fact is carried out then we would somehow be able to understand but it’s usually just speculation.
Social care use ridiculous arguments for why Dad can’t return home despite risk level and the work done since the arrest.. One of the other women I know… The children are too young to keep themselves safe. The robust family safety plan and assessment of risk means nothing then?!
Yes we will keep on fighting. I also hope that other agencies continue to research and educate these decision making agencies on actual risk levels posed by online offenders.
LikeLike
Yes it’s the assumptions, most definitely. And a lack of understanding of risk. I think even if the school had been willing to engage with actual risk, the fear of reputational damage would have won because if it becomes public knowledge, nobody in the school community would understand that risk can be assessed and measured. And media don’t help at all. So many men committing online crimes, yet they are managed in the same way as contact offenders and usually the people who suffer the most from these measures are the innocent relatives.
LikeLike
Sadly I think you’re right.
I still think we have to keep on challenging these views and assumptions whilst accepting that things may still not change just yet… Its chipping away bit by bit.
Sadly we are up against the harsh stigma of all online offenders being placed on a register… A label slapped on which doesn’t explain risk in any way.
LikeLike
No it doesn’t. And what gets me so so much is the tech bosses wandering around with their freedom and yet they’ve allowed for this to grow and proliferate. No criminal sanctions for them and I consider them to be an incredibly dangerous threat to humanity. I hope in our lifetimes to see justice served 🙏
LikeLiked by 2 people
These men are labeled “the P work” I think unless there is a professional assessment carried out by a qualified psychologist the police. Social services and media should not be allowed to lable the men. The courts should request a psychological assessment is carried out in the same way a probation report is requested. The damage to people’s lives is huge and unqualified professional people should not be allowed make their own assumptions based on their own opinions… It is just wrong. X
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes I definitely agree 💖
LikeLike