These are real statements either myself or several other non-offending partners I know have heard from friends / family or ‘Professionals:’
1. SHE MUST HAVE KNOWN
Do you know everything your partner is doing online? IF we had the slightest inkling do you think we would have turned a blind eye?
No. Never.
2. YOU LOVE THIS MAN SO MUCH YOU’RE PREPARED TO BELIEVE ANYTHING HE TELLS YOU
The shock, betrayal and disgust completely overwhelms us. It takes a long time, and a lot of research, questioning our partners upside down and taking part in the Lucy Faithful Inform course before we even begin to try to understand why and how they turned to such abhorrent behaviour.
Neither myself, nor any other NOP I know is a meek, mild woman who has been coerced by their partner.
3. WHAT HE HAS DONE IS UNFORGIVEABLE
‘Unforgiveable’ is a subjective word. It’s not up to other people to say what they ‘would’ and ‘would not’ forgive. Every non-offending partner I know including myself say over and over; what they did with NEVER, EVER be ok with us. It doesn’t mean we don’t still love them and are able to move past it.
4. WHY ARE YOU STAYING WITH YOUR PARTNER?
An assumption should NOT be made that we are not, unless told otherwise. You do not know us, our relationships. I’ve been with my partner for over 22 years, 18 before his offending. Others I know double that time.
5. HAS HE ALWAYS BEEN SELFISH?
Yes, some men are selfish, some women are selfish. Addiction is selfish. Yet nobody rationally chooses to hurt the ones they love the most. The majority of our partners were depressed and addicted to porn.
6. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE SEX WITH HIM AGAIN
Really? He has never actually touched or harmed anyone.
Would you say that to someone who’s partner has had an affair?
Why do people suddenly think it’s ok to comment on other peoples sex lives?
7. HAS HE ALWAYS BEEN KINKY OR HAD A HIGH SEX DRIVE?
Addiction is not about the DRUG of choice. It’s about the escape, chasing the elusive high, upping the anti. Porn addiction is their drug. It could have been anything else.
8. NON OFFENDING PARTNERS MINIMISE THE OFFENCE
This is probably the most infuriating of all for me.
We are FULLY aware of what our husbands have done – ONLINE
We are also of the opinion that ‘Professionals’ ‘MAXIMISE’ the offence.
9. I SUPPORT NON-OFFENDING PARTNERS WHO STAY, EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT SOMETHING I WOULD PERSONALLY CHOOSE TO DO
You cannot judge until you have walked in someone elses shoes.
10. HE MUST BE THE ‘P’ WORD
This IS the most controversial of statements.
Society loves to judge, label, put people into boxes and shut the door. It stops them from having to think, having to understand or even acknowledge it’s happening.
Well for Non-offending partners, we have HAD to put our head into this and understand why and how our partners ended up viewing Indecent Images online.
The unregulated porn and social media industry online has created a new type of Sex Offender.
There are around 850 men arrested for these crimes every month in the UK. That figure has doubled in the past 5 years.
The vast majority of us learn that our partners were viewing legal porn for a considerable amount of time before escalating to riskier and riskier images.
Society want to believe that these images were viewed on the ‘dark web’ sadly this is NOT the case, they are accessible within the porn and social media world.
My husband was 39 when he started viewing these images. Some much older. This was during a breakdown of his mental health.
The cognitive dissonance of what they were looking at online and the corelation of their sexuality in real life is more often that not, 2 different things.
After the knock 
100% correct
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