Over the weekend I have merged together 2 WhatsApp groups of non-offending partners. Specifically those with a partner in prison or separated from the family.
The majority of us remain in a relationship with our partners.
Due to the judgment and abandonment by the majority of our families and friends, we have become a social excluded group.
I have worked with people with severe mental health issues for many years and I have saw the impact of loneliness, isolation, stigma and so social exclusion. I have now experienced this first hand.
It creates and exasperates mental health. It fucking hurts like hell!
Those of us who stay with our partners, are judged the most. I believe we should be admired the most.
The women I have the pleasure of knowing and befeiending are absolute AMAZING!!!
We are the ones holding down jobs, training, single parenting, running homes and keeping on going all whilst our partners are serving their time at her majesty’s pleasure.
This is the eye of the storm….the custodial. This is when we need the most tenderness, love and support. This is also when people have hurt us the most, walked away when we needed them the most.
So we have become a socially excluded community.
These women I feel an authentically genuine deep friendship with like I’ve never felt before.
On Saturday we had a difficult prison visit and in the evening I unwound with a couple of fellow NOPs, drinking and chatting over zoom. Feeling like I had known these women for years. The intensity of our friendships deep and sincere which takes years to build in other parts of life.
For many years I feel like I’ve tried to keep my turbulent family together and failed miserably. They are very different types of people to me.
Now I feel like I’ve found my kindred spirits.These women are my lifeline right now. They help me so much.
Seeing people support eachother is so rewarding for me.
We have become a community, if not a family 💖
After the knock 
It’s so important to have connection and community. A lot of what’s in our control is taken away after the knock by the decisions of others to walk away. It’s essential to find a tribe & to have people who understand what it feels like to go through this. Sometimes I think it does give us the chance to re-evaluate old connections, whether that be family or friends, to see what’s worth devoting time to rebuilding, and what needs to go in the bin, quite frankly. Xx
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Yes I completely agree. We realise how much we put into certain relationships and get very little back.
A wise woman (you😘) once said to me that when this happens we turn out pockets inside out.
We absolutely do. Everything gets put into perspective 💖 xxxx
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