My anxiety is though the roof right now.
I am anxiously awaiting a call from social care to start the ball rolling for the next assessment prior to my husbands release in December.
Since his arrest he’s done so much work to rehabilitate and understand how he ended up where he did. I have done so much work to understand the offence and the inns and outs of Safeguarding.
Yet my anxiety is having these conversations in my head with a social worker I am yet to meet.
These conversations are catastrophic. Seeing my husband as nothing more than the ‘P’ word. Seeing me as manipulated and coerced into getting him back home.
The reality couldn’t be any more different. They don’t know me. They don’t know him. Yet I know they will come in and judge us based solely on his offending.
There are several organisations out there who are working to rehabilitate both online and contact offenders. Yet society and ‘professionals’ will never see them as anything but high risk.
We Non offending partners educate ourselves through the various studies and courses that are out there and often working with Forensic psychologists to understand the inns and outs of offending behaviour. Yet Social workers stance is complete one narrative…that they are a high risk of contact offending and they will twist and turn turn anything we say to fit their narrative.
I am exhausted. I’ve been a single parent for over 2 years now. I’ve done all of this work to understand his offence but I am now going to have to endure the final battle. A battle to reunite out family.
I don’t know what to expect as there is no consistency. A random social worker will be given free reign to judge my parenting and our family in whatever way they see fit. Using their personal opinions and biasses to justify their actions.
I understand my husband has committed a sexual offence and therefore risk has to be assessed and managed but it has to be in context. The risk he may have posed when he was offended cannot and should not remain the same. The work he’s done since should be taken into consideration too.
As my therapist says: offending is a behaviour and behaviour can be changed.
I prey that we get a reasonable social worker who has an ounce of respect and tries to understand fully.
After the knock 
You will find the strength to see this through. Take it day by day. Lean on your NOP friends. Be kind to yourself. You will get through this. I know it in my heart of hearts that there is a happy ending for you xx
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Thank you love. I have to think about the positive outcomes like yours 🙏💖
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I really understand how you are feeling. I experienced this before my ex was released. The fear of the unknown is huge. As you know, we had 7 SWs in total and every time the case was reopened we made more progress. I doubt it will be so drawn out for yourselves and I hope and pray you get a supportive SW who has worked to reunite families before. Our first SW after he was released was one of the best that we had. They had all the up to date studies from me about NOPs and impacts on families etc and they read them, and thanked me for all I had taught them about our experience. I just want you to know there are good ones out there who will see the work you have done and will work with you to get the outcome you want. Look how many of us have been through the system and all got the outcomes we wanted, whatever that may be xx
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Yes, I will keep my fingers crossed that you get a social worker who leaves his/her own opinions at the door, has taken time to get an understanding of the offence how and why people end up offending and you get “a fair trial” based on facts and not personal opinions. X
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