Incredibly anxious

My chest feels tight, my stomach is in knots, I feel sick, achy and exhausted.

Anxiety is taking over my body. The medication I am prescribed is helping take the edge off but nothing more.

My husband is being assessed for Release on Temporary Licence. He also has just 81 days left until release.

After over 13 months of his sentence, we should be on a happy count down. Sadly that’s not the case.

My husband committed online sexual offences. Abhorrent behaviour of course. He deserves to be punished, however he ended up there.

He is serving his time for his crime. He is remorseful. He is committed to his rehabilitation.

There are many, many organisations our there who are very passionate on rehabilitating those with Sexual offences. Yet society and agency response to a sexual offence is a line drawn in the sand. That’s all that person now is and all they ever will be.

My husband is a good man. A good man who has done a bad thing.

This week my anxiety is horrendous as I have 2 meetings coming up which are knocking me sideways.

On Wednesday social care are coming to meet me and the boys.

On Friday I have to go and meet with police and probation for ‘Disclosure’ of his offending.

I read the charges and know some of the detail of his offending. I was hopeful I had put my head far enough into this to enable me to understand risk and signs of relapse.

By standing by my husband, I significantly reduce his risk of re-offending through isolation and depression. Family support is paramount.

My children and I have been through so, so much. We’ve had almost 2.5 years of not living with my husband/ their dads and I was hoping that given the work we’ve both done would be enough to get him back home with us, where he belongs.

This journey has been long and bumpy to say the least.

I feel like I am being pulled and pushed, away from my husband and our family are being kept apart.

I am exhausted.

I just want us to be a family again.