As the title suggests, I am so desperate to move forward.
My husband was arrested in 2020. He has been to prison, out not far off a year now. We have been to hell and back.
On Friday I read the letter in response to his complaint about his job being terminated. A customer complaint. A previous family friend who complained and shared the news article with his employer.
We cannot employ a ‘p word’ due to reputational damage it said.
My husband is 45. He offended for a short period of his life. Online, when he was depressed, addicted to porn. He has served his time. We both have.
Yesterday, due to being triggered by this, as well as hormones and forgetting to take my antidepressants, I found myself questioning everything.
I have been punished over and over again for my decision to stay with him. I have sacrificed so much. So many people.
Yesterday I questioned my decision all over again.
He has done absolutely and I mean absolutely everything he can to show remorse, face his punishment and move forward.
Reading those words 3.5 years down the line absolutely sickened me.
I love this man. He is a brilliant husband and father. Yet the thought that he will only ever be seen as the ‘p word’ makes my blood run cold.
I am beyond exhausted at trying to pick up the pieces of our life.
I cannot forget for one day, one minute, what he did.
Every day he has to leave our home to go and sleep in his mum’s. I sleep alone. I see our boys growing up, starting to look like cousins they will never know.
We just want to move forward. We desperately need to move forward.
I want to be happy. I don’t want to be depressed and anxious every day. I don’t want to give up on my marriage and our family, yet it feels like the odds are very much stacked against us
I prey that one day, society accepts that people can make mistakes and those mistakes don’t have to define them forever. I will prey that partners like me are not treated like secondary perpetrators.
After the knock 
We all feel your pain. You are NOT alone. I’ve not committed a SO, and no cause to be on the SOR, but I was in prison for 47 years. I feel your pain, and I feel your loneliness, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and you WILL rise beyond this. We love you.
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I’m so sorry to hear that Bill. Thank you for your kind words 🙏 💖
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It’s probably the hardest battle you will go through in your life.I can relate to you so much I gave up the battle after six years don’t get me wrong I do miss him but for me mentally the fear was always and still is there .I highly doubt we will ever have a society that is forgiving of these crimes which does make me sad your husband does deserve the chance to try and rebuild his life but people just love to make themselves a hero by exposing him .
I have no offers of positive words but do know you love him and in the situation you are in I think that has to be enough xx
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