Trying to heal 🙏

How do you heal from a trauma you are still going through?!

With great difficulty I would say.

We have a good relationship. We have a great deal of love and respect for each other. We have come through the toughest of times together. Yet we are still not there. Not where we want to be.

Last night I was triggered all over again. I felt the anger rising from the pit of my stomach like a ball of fire wanting to come out. A dragon breathing flames.

At times like this, I struggle not to blow at my husband all over again.

I know I am entitled to my anger, my pain. Yet I have processed so much of it, over and over again. Months upon months of counselling to talk about what’s happened.

What I need now is to heal those wounds. I need some normality. I need to be able to forget for just one day that my husband committed an online sexual offence.

I don’t want our life to have to centre around the worst thing he ever done.

I’ve fought so hard and made huge sacrifices to keep my family together. To maintain my marriage. Yet it’s still going on 3.5 years later.

He is stuck on this horizon course until next April. 2/3 hours a week dragged out. He cannot come home until that’s done.

I have never felt so powerless. There is literally no fight left in either of us. Our mental health and our marriage cannot survive another pointless battle with probation, who refuse to change their stance!

I just need, so desperately to be able to move on. I need to heal.